Winding up

I finally had my appointment with the oncologist on Friday. He brought up the fertility thing, which was a refreshing change from the last oncologist who didn't want to discuss it. I wish I'd seen this guy in the beginning when all of that felt like an option.

It's hard facing the fact that my ovaries are going to take a beating and might not make it. But I've made up my mind that it's not worth the time and the extra procedures right now. I just want to get on with fighting this cancer so I can be here for the kids I have, thanks. And I can't ignore the financial impact.

I never did add up all the costs associated with freezing embryos. (I decided not to proceed before I got to that point). Suffice it to say it was escalating into the thousands, and we weren't sure how much of that my insurance company would cover. It's nothing to sneeze at when you consider that I may not be able to work at the same pace, and in my world, not working at the same pace = not getting paid at the same pace.

That reminds me of the work situation around when Sam was born. See, I decided to just wait and see with Sam. This was my first go-around with a newborn, and I had no idea how either one of us would be. I thought there was a chance that he would be totally laid back and would sleep and gurgle pleasantly all day and I could work for an hour or two during the day and a little more at night when Dave got home, thereby avoiding the hassle (and expense) of daycare.

Ha!

My child is brilliant, wise beyond his tender years, and completely high-maintenance. By the time he was 6 weeks old, it was obvious that daycare was not optional if we wanted to pay our bills. I was freaking out because normal parents do this whole daycare thing the moment they find out they're pregnant! And here I was with a 2 month old baby and I'm thinking, "Gee, I need some help with this!" No way, right?

Well, we got lucky. Or received grace, really, because the universe provides what you need when you need it, even if what you get isn't what you thought you wanted. In this case, what we got was exactly what we thought we wanted - Maria - a lovely, soft-spoken Spanish woman with an in-home daycare 20 minutes from our house who was willing to take Sam two days a week.

My point is that sometimes you don't respond to things the way you think you will. What I learned with Sam is that it's okay to postpone a decision until you're ready to make it, even if your options could be more limited when that time comes. The universe will bring you what you need. If we're ready to welcome another child into our lives once I am healed, then we'll find a way to do that. So, let's get on with it.

Turns out my treatment plan is exactly what the original surgeon and oncologist suggested, but at least now I understand it and I believe my doctors understand it too. (I had the idea the first set of docs were just reading from the playbook. Whether that's true or not, my having that idea was not going to help matters).

Thursday, I start chemo. I have to drive all the way to Largo for my first treatment because the local center has a nurse going on vacation next week. Nothing like getting cancer in August! Dave's going with me and Katherine will pick Sam up from daycare, so the details are handled. I'm worried about it, but it will also be a relief, so on balance, yippee!

So six cycles of chemo, which means I'll be getting my last treatment at the beginning of December, which means I should be feeling better by Christmas! Surgery around the beginning of February, then radiation for six weeks starting in the middle of March.

I was surprised about the radiation thing. You have to go every day, Monday through Friday. I didn't realize it would be that often. The treatment only takes about 5 minutes, but of course, it'll take 90 minutes to drive there, wait, get naked, get treated, get dressed and drive home. That should be super-fun. Maybe with practice (and a lucky draw on the center), I'll get it down to an hour.

Oh, I forgot to mention that, during the first 4 1/2 months (between now and Christmas) I have to go get one of these drugs every week. The other two drugs only go in every three weeks.

So basically, it's going to be hectic.

I've been thinking about things people can do for me, because I'm really bad at letting people do things for me, but I'll definitely need the help. So here are some ideas:

- Spend a weekend (or just an evening, if you're close) at our house keeping Sam busy
- Go grocery shopping for me (I can make a list)
- Bring me food (I'll know more about what I can eat soon)
- Clean my house
- Go with me for chemo
- Organize helpers? lol

Sigh, this is going to suck, but a little overwhelm is kind of my natural state, I guess. I'll get through it, hopefully with grace.

If you feel like helping, let me know what you want to do and let me know when!